It is with sadness that we note today the passing of weekly rubbish collections. Born in the Victorian era as a health measure, weekly rubbish collections had an honourable, if un-noted, life maintaining the general sanitation of Swindon’s streets. Weekly rubbish collections leaves three younger siblings (weekly recycling collection, fortnightly garden waste collection and fortnightly plastic bottle collection) and two children (fortnightly wheelie bin collection and his exclusive brother weekly blue bag collection).

Weekly rubbish collections’ funeral was held early this evening at a landfill site in Wiltshire. At the request of his ‘guardian’ Mr Wren, no flowers please.

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